Luke and Michael Sandbox

LUKE'S 1ST BIRTHDAY

Beau's #2 boy Luke turned one. He is here with his mother and Michael at the June 17th Birthday party in LA. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE!

FROM A DISTANCE

FROM A DISTANCE

Written as a word of the day exercise. The word was Distance.

From a distance I see a little girl moving along a dirt road to catch the school bus. The home she just left this morning is a shabby unfinished basement structure. The front yard is dirt and weeds. But she is scrubbed clean wearing a freshly starched and ironed homemade dress, crafted by a loving mother. Her bony long legs are skipping along decked with scuffed, well-worn saddle oxfords and neatly folded white socks. Her light brown hair is nicely braided in long bouncing plaits. Her mouth and teeth are too big for her face, which is covered with large "angel kisses," as her mother calls her freckles. There are those who might call her homely but not her mother, grandmother and aunts, who fuss over her and that is all that matters to the girl. Her eyes are bright with eager anticipation for a new day at school. She is a good student, has lots of friends and with many reasons to disparage her life, she doesn’t.

From a distance I see the girl again as a teen dressed in a blue chiffon dress with puffy sleeves and full gathered skirt. After many years of long hair she now has the coif of the day—ratted bouffant, smoothed to a round orbit, framing her face. Her teeth are still big and she has one large noticeable dark freckle on the right cheek. Her body shape is stick like and she is a head taller than almost everyone in the room. She is standing on the wall in the cultural hall at the Ward’s Gold and Green Ball, trying to choke back tears because no one is asking her to dance, but then who would want to dance with a giant who has freckles and big teeth. If you could read her heart you would hear a pleading prayer, "Please God, help me get through this time and find a happy place." She will wish on stars, dream and pray. She will learn to fight back the tears of disappointment on numerous occasions, but God will be with her, leading her to joyful surprises. Surprises that if told her in a fortune at the time she would say, "impossible, that will never happen to me."

The girl didn’t see then that many of the young ladies floating around the dance floor pressed tightly against one of the local boys would end up getting married and divorced with children before our girl even had a chance to date. Now from a distance she understands that being a wallflower can protect you from youthful calamity and save you for something better when you are ready. Not dating gives you time to grow up and acquire life skills. This girl learned to sew, cook and develop her artistic talents. She got a scholarship and graduated from college. She learned that life is filled with sweetness you can find on your own. She learned to cherish the women in her life. Getting through is a lot about attitude and spiritual strength.

Golda Meir wrote in her autobiography: "I was never a beauty. There was a time when I was sorry about that, when I was old enough to understand the importance of it. Looking in the mirror, I realized it was something I was never going to have...It was much later that I realized that not being beautiful was a blessing in disguise. It forced me to develop my inner resources. I came to understand that women who cannot lean on their beauty and need to make something on their own have an advantage." (Overcoming Life’s Disappointments, Harold Kushner, p.73)

On a road trip recently, with a group of empty nester friends, someone brought a CD of oldies songs. I could feel my chest tighten and my eyes begin to well up as some of the dreamy melodies drifted through the car and my memory. You Belong to Me—"Yes I do belong to someone", I reminded myself—someone who has given me space, opportunities, encouragement, honor, financial security and yes, love. Why would I ever want to trade my happiness now for a few cheek to cheek slow dances in the past. God knew what I needed. Perspective from a distance may be the most valuable tool of our human sojourn.

"Oh, now I understand."

MOUNT RUSHMORE IN MAY

MY ART BLOG

I have a new blog with just my art and prices with sizes and some information about the painting. The price will include a frame. Some of the frames were built by Mike and are special frames so I charge a little more for the paintings with these frames. Most other frames were purchased at Hobby Lobby. Some of these have been re-painted for a different affect. I am willing to switch frames if someone would like a different one or sell without the frame at a discount. Years ago an artist friend told me that her instructor advised her to paint as much as she could and sell cheap until she got famous so that is my philosophy. (You will find everything surprisingly reasonable compared to what is out there in original art.) I am pleased with my work considering that I have been painting for only 4 years. I always feel good to know that my friends have my paintings. I am also willing to take commissions with no promises and no commitment to keep it if you are not pleased. I am not a portrait painter. If you are interested in coming by to see anything in person feel free to call me or e-mail at charmandy@comcast.net I will continue to keep samples on this blog of my new work and a link to my new blog on my blog roll. Here is the link:

http://charmainespaintings.blogspot.com/

WORD OF THE DAY - DIVIDE

OK, Maybe this picture is a little old but it was the last family picture we had taken and I like it because everyone looked good and dare I say normal. The following Essay is something I did as a Word of the Day writing adventure. The word was "Divide." It gave me a chance to explore some ideas about how God divided us up into families--something that I have thought about for a long time.

HOW DID GOD DIVIDE US UP INTO FAMILIES?

Did we get to choose? I know God is big on agency. Did He call us one by one into his pre-mortal office for a discussion of our family options—like "Who will be your children when you go to earth?" I wonder; how did God divide us up into families?

Perhaps He asked Carol and Larry Fischer: "Are you willing to take a handicapped child? Your life will be stressful with him; it will take a lot of your disposable time, but he will bring a love and a sweetness to your home that you wouldn’t have in any other circumstance."

Did God ask my friend Carol Turner if she would take 9 great children who would love and support their mother through many years of being single?

I wonder if God counseled me in this way: "You are going to need to learn some things the hard way—things like patience, unconditional love and other lessons that will come from four children, I have in mind, who will question your teachings. " He may have asked, "There is no other way for you to learn these things—will you take some good, free spirited souls into your home and never give up?" I imagine he might have informed me that, "These children will all have artistic natures, can you support and inspire them in their creative endeavors?"

I say, "I see the picture God and I am trying but I am weak and selfish and I need your help."

Last week Mike left me a little note, something he is doing lately. In part it said: "...You are a great daughter. Mollie had a hard life and I think you may have been her greatest joy. Because of you, she knew she did something right. She knew you loved her and that she could count on you to the end, which she did." This note brought visions to my mind of my mother and God in heaven deciding that I would be her daughter—that I would be a joy after she made some very bad decisions in her life and then repented. It gave me comfort to hear my husband say these things. I hope I fulfilled God’s expectation of me for my mother. I did love her dearly. I never wanted to give her any pain as she had enough sadness in her life.

Years ago I heard a story by Carlfred Broderick, a nationally acclaimed family psychologist and Mormon. The experience so impressed me I bought his book with the story so I would have all the details. Brother Broderick was a Stake President at the time. A woman came to him for counsel in some difficulties she was having in her family.

"As she asked me for a blessing to sustain her in what to do with this awful situation in which she found herself, my thoughts were, ‘Didn’t you ask for this? You married a guy who really didn’t have any depth to him and raised your kids too permissively. You should have fought harder to keep them in church rather than letting them run off to racetracks.’ I had all those judgments in my head. I laid my hands on her head, and the Lord told her of his love and his tender concern for her. He acknowledged that he had given her (and she had volunteered for) a far, far harder task than he would like. (And, as he put in my mind, a harder task than I had had. I have eight good kids, the last of whom just went to the temple. All would have been good if they had been orphans.) She, however, had signed up for hard children, for children who had rebellious spirits but who were valuable; for a hard husband who had a rebellious spirit but who was valuable. The Lord alluded to events in her life that I hadn’t known about, but which she confirmed afterwards: twice Heavenly Father had given her the choice between life and death, whether to come home and be relieved of her responsibilities, which weren’t going very well, or whether to stay to see if she could work them through. Twice on death’s bed she had sent the messenger away and gone back to that hard task. She stayed with it."

"I repented, I realized I was in the presence of one of the Lord’s great noble spirits, who had chosen not a safe place behind the lines pushing out the ordnance to the people in the front lines as I was doing, but somebody who chose to live out in the trenches where the Lord’s work was being done, where there was risk, where you could be hurt, where you could lose, where you could be destroyed by your love. That’s the way she had chosen to labor." (My Parents Married on a Dare, Carlfred Broderick, p. 125-126)

Larry Barkdull in his new book , Rescuing Wayward Children, said the following:
Elder Neal A. Maxwell called family placement "divine appointment," (Institute for Religious Scholarship) or we might say divine positioning. This organizational method often calls for weak children to be placed with strong parents, strong children to be placed with weak parents, or strong individuals to marry into weak families. Why? To do the work of redemption. BYU professor, Catherine Thomas, said, "God may place spiritually challenging children in homes of spiritual and conscientious parents for their mutual benefit." (Alma the Younger pt. 1)

Possibly countless ages of divine premortal observation and planning determined our children’s mortal placement. Beyond every other consideration our children’s familial placement was meant to rescue them and to magnify their opportunity to advance toward exaltation. Even the difficulties they would experience could serve to save and exalt them. Heavenly Father’s house is a house of order! http://www.larrybarkdull.com/344/rescuing-wayward-children-2

Yes, I think we all met with God and signed up for a few things, some good some difficult. I had a friend once who said she thought God showed us highlight videos—that we didn’t really see the gritty stuff beforehand. But, maybe we did. Maybe he showed us who we were going to be after we "endured well"—after we were valiant in what we agreed to do in our pre-mortal visit. I like this picture of us and God dividing up the children knowing that we were going into some difficult situations—knowing that maybe we ourselves would be part of the problem at times, but that we could and would repent and make a difference—like Alma in the Book of Mormon, hopefully like me. I like this picture.

BEAUTIFUL MAREN

This is my beautiful, creative daughter Maren and a mobile she fashioned for a friends wedding (with no budget).

SOME WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Ps. 27: 14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart:
Ps. 40: 1 I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.
Isa. 40: 31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
D&C 98: 2 Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.
Rom. 8: 28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
D&C 90: 24 Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.
D&C 98: 3 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.
D&C 100: 15 Therefore, let your hearts be comforted; for all things shall work together for good to them that walk uprightly, and to the sanctification of the church.
D&C 105: 40 And make proposals for peace unto those who have smitten you, according to the voice of the Spirit which is in you, and all things shall work together for your good.

MOTHERS DAY AND THE REFINERS FIRE

This is adapted from a talk I gave as a farewell address when we moved from the Somerset Ward 2 years ago. I think it is an important concept in our perfectionast idealistic world, especially in Mormondom. (The pictures are of me and my mother)

Mother’s Day and The Refiner’s FireMother’s Day is often a very painful day for many of us who feel we should have or could have done a better job of mothering. Going to church and hearing all the super-mom stories is often difficult on that day.

I have come to understand that motherhood is the ultimate "Refiners Fire." Hell is not really where the fire will be ultimately, but in heaven: Isaiah 33:14, Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire? Who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings? The answer: v. 15: He that walketh righteously and speaketh uprightly...

The D&C says: 130:6 - The angels do not reside on a planet like this earth; But they reside in the presence of God, on a globe like a sea of glass and fire....

D&C 137:2-3 I saw the transcendent beauty of the gate through which the heirs of the kingdom will enter, which was like unto circling flames of fire; Also the blazing throne of God whereon was seated the Father and the Son.

Malachi 3:2-3 said it best:
But who may abide the day of his coming? And who shall stand when he appeareth? For he is like a refiner’s fire, and like fullers’ soap; And he shall sit as a refiner of silver: and he shall purify the sons (and daughters) of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness.

There is a story about a woman watching a silversmith refining silver in very intense heat. She asked him: "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" His answer: "Oh, that’s easy—when I see my image in it."

Alma 5:14 Have ye received His image in your countenances?"

Carlfred Broderick, a renowned family therapist, told the following in his book "My Parents Married on a Dare." (Desseret Book) He was the Stake President and had just attended a program on Temple marriage put on by the Young Women. When it was over he was asked if there was anything he would like to add. He said:

"Yes, there is," and I don’t think the woman has ever forgiven me. What I said was this, "Girls, this has been a beautiful program. I commend the gospel with all of its auxiliaries and the temple to you, but I do not want you to believe for one minute that if you keep all the commandments and live as close to the Lord as you can and do everything right and fight off the entire priests quorum one by one and wait chastely for your missionary to return and pay your tithing and attend your meetings, accept calls from the bishop, and have a temple marriage, I do not want you to believe that bad things will not happen to you. And when that happens, I do not want you to say that God was not true. Or, to say, ‘They promised me in Primary, they promised me when I was a Mia Maid, they promised me from the pulpit that if I were very, very good, I would be blessed. But the boy I want doesn’t know I exist, or the missionary I’ve waited for and kept chaste so we both could go to the temple turned out to be a flake,’ or far worse things than any of the above. Sad things—children who are sick or developmentally handicapped, husbands who are not faithful, illnesses that can cripple, or violence, betrayals, hurts, deaths, losses—when those things happen, do not say God is not keeping His promises to me. The gospel of Jesus Christ is not insurance against pain. It is resource in event of pain, and when that pain comes (and it will come because we came here on earth to have pain among other things), when it comes, rejoice that you have resource to deal with your pain."

"Now, I do not want to suggest for a moment, nor do I believe, that God visits us with all that pain. I think that may occur in individual cases, but I think we fought a war in heaven for the privilege of coming to a place that was unjust. That was the idea of coming to earth—that it was unjust, that there would be sorrow. As Eve so eloquently said, it is better that we should suffer….I am persuaded that she had rare insight, more than her husband, into the necessity of pain, although none of us welcome it. " (p. 122-123)

My own mother made some bad choices in her younger days that put her in a very painful refiner’s fire. Some fires do come from our choices; some come as part of life in a fallen world, but we can be refined by both. When I was about 11 years old I saw my mother prayerfully quit smoking so she could go back to church. At this time she was married to an abusive alcoholic. I saw her develop many amazing humble qualities as she attempted to create a home for her children in a very chaotic atmosphere, with the help of the Lord. I saw the Gospel begin to purify her in the fire of her adversity. I wanted to be a part of this gospel that brought some hope and peace to our home life. Her fire was my salvation. She had to go into hiding, in fear for her life, when she finally left my dad after the children were gone. When she was 64 years old she died of a brain tumor that had caused her to suffer incredible pain for several years. This refined her even more. Carlfred Brodrerick told about the lingering suffering of his dad when he was dying. It made me think of my mother. He said:

"…I know he was refined by his pain, by his adversity. He needed to go through that suffering. He could have been embittered; he could have been destroyed. His faith could have soured and left him, but he chose to learn from his pain. I do not want you to think that is was the pain that was good. It was the man that was good and that made the pain work for him, as indeed our Savior did." (Ibid. P. 138)

This was true of my mother. She was good and the pain worked for her, and her mistakes worked for her as the refining process brought Christ’s image to her countenance as it will to all women as we go forward in faith even when we didn’t do everything perfect. "Though he were a Son, yet learned He obedience by the things which he suffered." (Hebrews 5:8) Motherhood is about learning from the things which we suffer. Christ is our example.

STRAWBERRY CAKE FOR MOTHER'S DAY

Last week I helped Maren with a shower and since it is spring I wanted something strawberry. She was having a tea so I looked for something I could make bite size and quick. I found this Strawberry Cake recipe on "All Recipes" (My Blogg Favorites) I decided to make mini cupcakes and these turned out to be the hit of the shower. I didn't use paper cups just mini muffin tins sprayed well, but layers or a sheet cake would work fine. I changed the recipe to use fresh strawberries (the jello mix gave the cake a beautiful pink color) If I make it again I might try using 1/2 Cup of oil instead of 2/3 (mostly for guilt reasons). The frosting was also delicious. I put a little strawberry slice on the top of each little cupcake to serve. Maren took photos but accidentally deleted them off her camera so here is one from the web.

CAKE

1 package of white cake mix

1 small package dry strawberry jello mix

3 Tablespoons flour

1/2 Cup Water

2/3 Cup vegetable oil

4 eggs

1 Cup finely chopped strawberries (I chopped them in a food processor but not until they were pureed)

Mix everything together and beat for 2 minutes. Pour into desired containers sprayed with Pam and bake until done at 350 degrees.

FROSTING: 1 cube real butter beat together with 4 oz. Cream Cheese until fluffy. Add 1/2 C pureed strawberries and enough powdered sugar until spreadable.